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crows wait
on the power lines-
mother lies awake
©2009 ~aurek-san
:iconaurek-san:

Author's Comments

A response to [link] by reddragonfly
reddragonfly responded to this poem here: [link]

Click here to learn more about this massive linked poem: [link]

Link to the rest of my writing: [link]

Comments


love 0 0 joy 1 1 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconsolarts:
This is really nice - thanks for continuing the chain. I have a slight suggestion, if I may be so bold. I think "many" is superfluous, because the phrase "crows wait" implies there are "many" (as it is plural). Hence, I would reduce the first line to "crows wait" like so:

crows wait
on the powerlines-
mother lies awake

Any thoughts?

--
"We are intent on reducing art to its simplest expression, which is love." (Andre Breton)
:iconaurek-san:
"crows wait" does seem to have a little more menace to it, makes the crows less like a part of the scenery. Thanks for the suggestion, I will use it :)

--
Visit me: [link] :below:
:iconsolarts:
Sweet! Glad it worked for you.

:)

--
"We are intent on reducing art to its simplest expression, which is love." (Andre Breton)
:iconreddragonfly:
ooh creepy, very dark and foreboding. I've added this to my list to try to reply to this week!

--
Things need not have happened to be true. Tales and dreams are the shadow-truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes, and forgot.
:iconaurek-san:
awesome, maybe the chain will reach 300 poems...400? :wow: (maybe)
We can always hope

--
Visit me: [link] :below:
:iconreddragonfly:
replied to you here: [link]

--
Things need not have happened to be true. Tales and dreams are the shadow-truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes, and forgot.
:iconaurek-san:
I love the restlessness in your poem, and I've linked to it in my artist's comments.
Thanks for keeping the chain going!

--
Visit me: [link] :below:
:iconshabeeeee-xd:
kinda foreboding eh? I like it a lot. :]

--
-Shabeeeee<3
:iconaurek-san:
Thank you

--
Visit me: [link] :below:

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July 3
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